About My New Design

• I did it all myself.
• It may change slightly in the future but I’m planning on keeping it this way for the most part.
• I used Photoshop, Inkscape, and fonts from:

• 100 “ExMo Points” if you can guess what inspired the triangles.
• Yes I’ll help you with your blog…
• No I won’t do it for free.

About “Eat, drink, and be merry:”

In The Book of Mormon there is a section that reads:

Yea, and there shall be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die; and it shall be well with us.

It then goes on to talk about how foolish that is, and how there will be a lot of false churches and how wicked they are and blah, blah, blah…

It’s one of many scriptures that kids in seminary (church classes for teenagers) are supposed to memorize. Since leaving the church it’s become my favorite scripture because it so nicely describes my life and attitude now. I eat, I drink (coffee, tea, beer, wine, mojitos…mmmmm…mojitooooo), and I’m really freakin’ merry these days. And you know what? “Tomorrow” we will die. And we’re not going to fly up into the heavens to live with some magical sky parent. We’re going to stay dead. So I’m going to enjoy this life while I have the chance. :)

Changes

You’ll be seeing some changes around here.

I sort of, almost, kind of addressed this is in a recent post – people like to hear my story. And, though my abysmal posting rate might indicate otherwise, I like to tell it. Mostly because I like to hear {or read} myself speak {or write}. And I’d like to post more often, but hadn’t really known what to say.

Until now.

See, all Mormons are encouraged to keep journals/family histories/etc. I started keeping a journal right away after getting involved with the Mormon church, *right away.* And I kept one since then more faithfully than many. In fact, the church is partly to thank for this blog. I started blogging as a way to keep a journal. Having a blog about my exit from Mormonism was just a natural step.

Well, I still have every single one of those journals. They’ve been sitting in a box for some time. I was mortified by the idea of actually reading them and facing my own stupidity and superstition. But tonight, as I lay in bed unable to sleep, I figured I should. Why?

Because it will give me something to write about, regularly.

Seriously. I’m not even half way through the first one and I’ve got probably ten posts worth of material. Which is impressive considering these early journal entries mostly consist of “I’m so happy! I love you, God!”

Oh, did I forget to mention that all my journal entries were written in the format of prayers?

Yeah.

They were.

I even ended them with “in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen” which is how Mormons are taught to end their prayers.

It’s going to feel pretty humiliating, especially at first, for me to share this stuff with all of you. I can’t believe some of the stuff I believed. I can’t believe some of the things I did. But I really think {hope} you’ll appreciate it. If nothing else, they should provide a good chuckle. But I think {hope} they’ll provide more like…

• insight into how the church sucks people in
• a glimpse into the terrifying abyss that is the mind of the teenage female
• a real life demonstration of how all-consuming Mormonism is
• opportunities to think hard about different things

Thus far I’m mostly amazed at how much worse my spelling and grammar were back then than they are now. But I’m also amazed at how similarly I spoke, at the time, about becoming Mormon as I do now about being ex-Mormon. This will really be an interesting journey.

Also? I’m thinking of doing a redesign of this blog.

Why?

Um…because I can do so much better now. UPDATE: Nothing like re-working your blog layout at 2am. What do you think?

"In the Shadow of the Temple."

I don’t know much about it yet, but apparently there’s a documentary coming out called "In the Shadow of the Temple." You can get more info here on their blog. And you can see outtakes and previews on their YouTube channel, including this clip featuring one of my ExMo friends. I’m off to go watch all the other clips now!

Random Thoughts

Despite my atrocious posting rate on this blog, you guys continue to follow me. And I’ve even gotten a few new followers. And I hate to disappoint an audience. So here I am. Posting.

I think part of the reason I’ve been so absent {aside from being busy writing for my other blog, and doing graphic design projects for my clients, and being a mom and all that stuff} is because I haven’t had anything relevant to say. I’ve been so wrapped up in living my life that I haven’t really been visiting the exMormon forums or taking the time to think about exMormon-y things. And that’s good.

9 months. That’s about how long it’s been since we sent in our resignation letters. Things feel so different now. I don’t think like a member anymore. I used to fear it’d take me years to deprogram the guilt and fear conditioning. But I’m very glad I was wrong.

People sometimes surprise me with how fascinated they are with my experience. One family member recently told me I should write a book about it. But what on earth would I say? Everything I have to say has most certainly been said before. And I’m not sure 8 years or so is enough experience to fill an entire book. If you want to read a book, get a hold of Lyndon Lamborn’s book. It’s great. But I do love to talk to people about the church, and what it was like, and what it means to be ex-Mormon. It’s always interesting to hear the questions people ask. Some people are more interested in what I believe now (I’m very much a non-theist). Some people want to hear about the weirder things, like what the temple was like and what my “temple name” was (Deborah). Some people want to know how others have reacted to my leaving the church. And others want to know how I got sucked into it in the first place. Then again, some people wish I wouldn’t talk about it at all. But that’s no surprise.

Truth is, all the evidence stacked against the church makes it clear to me what a fraud it is. And I will say just that to anyone who wants to listen. I feel it’s the right thing to do. And when people ask me questions I’m not going to demure and say “well, maybe you should ask a Mormon” or “Well, this is what a Mormon would say” (unless promptly followed by “but I say…”). Some Mormon’s will tell you “you wouldn’t ask a Ford salesmen to tell you about a Chevy.” True…but I’m not selling anything. I’m not asking for money, or anything at all (though the Mormon church asks for plenty)! And my response is “But you would ask somebody who’s driven a Ford for nearly a decade.”

So there.

I’ve driven the proverbial Ford for about 8 years. So ask any questions you want. I’ll do my best to answer them. Maybe you’ve seen the “Ask A Mormon” websites…well, consider this the “Ask An Ex-Mormon” website.

Ask away.

Militant Atheism

The hubs and I recently watched this Richard Dawkins lecture on TED (I love TED and so should you).

And, as I blog, I’m having a twittervation about speaking my mind on Twitter vs. being sensitive to my Christian followers. Lately I’ve been getting a few conservative, Christian followers…guess they didn’t realize I’m a liberal, LGBT-supporting, Obama-voting, atheist?

At any rate…I explained my “politeness” on Twitter thusly:

I'll cuss sometimes. But I really like a lot of my Christian followers and don't want to lose them by being insensitive.

All of this makes me wonder…

Am I just being a scaredy-cat, follower whore? Am I too chicken to speak my mind for fear of losing my audience? Or is there merit in being user-friendly to a broader audience {especially when I do have an outlet for uncensored thoughts – this blog}?

Your thoughts?

Podcast

Yay! It’s up! I haven’t listened to it yet. I wanted to share it with you all first.

You’re welcome.

Now…

…GO CHECK IT OUT!

This special panel brings together three couples: Devin & Melissa, Holly & Adam, and John & Zilpha. Each married young and less than six months after first meeting one another. They discuss their marriages in the context of Mormon culture. Specifically, they discuss the cultural elements that drove them to marry so quickly, the role of Church teaching in their marriages, BYU, the upside of these marriages, and having children. Finally, the panel gives advice to anyone else who might be contemplating a short courtship marriage. {Mormon Expression}

Spamming For Jesus

I have an account with Xanga (blog platform) that I never use anymore. So imagine my surprise when, in my inbox this morning, I saw that someone had left me a comment.

Hello Ms. Van Gogh[screen name],
You made a nice-looking site but I see that you don’t write here much anymore!
I want to help people to really get to know Jehovah God, especially in these troubled times. 7Whatever the LORD God plans to do, he tells his servants, the prophets. (Amos 3:7) (CEV)

Niiiiiiice.